12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
