i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
