It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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