When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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