They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
