Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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