I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
