Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
