did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
