Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
