i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
