I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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