i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
