forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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