i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize