There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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