you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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