Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
