I wish my penis had an off switch
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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