At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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