and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
