I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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