I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
