i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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