You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
