She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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