First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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