im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
