watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
