Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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