I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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