It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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