You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
