so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
