just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
