My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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