remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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