In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
