I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
