When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
