hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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