He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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