i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
