I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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