i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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