Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my poor anus
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
