And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
