At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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