Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His nipple licking is glorious
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