Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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