I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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