how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
