I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
