So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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