if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
