just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
