Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
