If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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