I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
