SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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