That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
