I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
