I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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