It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
