Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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